Revealing Memories
by Anytha84
Summary: [ON HOLD]At the end, the detective will realise something that he has always ignored or that, maybe, he knew but never really admitted to himself. Spolier warning!
1. Remembering

Revealing memories

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Detective Conan.

_REVEALING MEMORIES_

_Part 1: Remembering_

Shinichi Kudo stood in front of a hospital room, observing the figure lying on the bed through a glass panel. He still couldn't believe what had happened.

She had taken the bullet in his place. He should be on that bed instead of her. He should be fighting for his life, not her.

'Why Haibara?' he wondered, 'Why did you do it?'

She had finally made the antidote and had given it to him only a month ago, taking it herself as well. He had contacted FBI and had managed to convince Jodie Santemillion and James Black to let him help them bring down the Organisation. He had asked Haibara to help too and she had accepted despite her initial reticence. Haibara.. no, Miyano Shiho didn't want to expose herself: the men of the Organisation were after her and if they knew, or even had a hint of her new residence, all the people that knew her would have been silenced. Agase and him in first place. She was worried for them even more than for herself. Shinichi sighed, glancing at her again.

It had happened so suddenly..

FBI had raided the Organisation's headquarter only yesterday. They had captured all it's members, including Gin, Vodka and Vermouth.

He remembered everything as though it was a video replaying in his mind.

Jodie was handcuffing Vermouth while two agents were doing the same with Gin and Vodka. Miyano was standing next to him, not too far from the criminals. And it happened.

Gin punched the agent and got his gun, aiming it towards Miyano. Jodie and Mr Black didn't waste time and fired at unison at him, wounding him at the waist and right arm. Despite the injuries, Gin had managed to fire but not to Miyano. The bullet was going towards _him_. However, before he even realised what was going on, a hand grabbed him, pushing him aside. He remembered his shock when he saw the bullet hit Miyano square in the chest. He grabbed her before she fell to the ground while a group of agents took Gin, Vodka and Vermouth away. Miyano was breathing heavily, gasps of pain escaped her lips. He didn't dare to move her: blood was soaking her white blouse and he saw the small black hole near her heart.

He felt.. desperate. It was his fault: she was in this state because of him. He called her continuously, trying to keep her conscious while Jodie-sensei called an ambulance. Miyano wearily opened her eyes when they were heading to the hospital: the paramedics had hooked up an IV tube to her arm and had managed to slow the bleeding from her wound.

He was in the ambulance with her since Sensei had to take care of the Organisation's captives. He felt.. well, he couldn't describe his feelings. Anguish, fear, concern and guilt were raging through him. He had to do something: we wanted to help her. In any way.

But what happened later, confused him even more.

Miyano noticed him sitting close to her and when the paramedics turned their backs, she looked at him. He immediately crouched closer to her.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, not knowing what else to say.

She smirked slightly.

"What do you think?" she asked, a ghost of her usual sarcasm in her tone.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, "It's.. it's my fault."

"Don't be ridiculous, Kudo. Gin shot me, not you."

"You took the bullet in my place." He stared at her. "Why did you do it?"

She looked at him and a small smile flickered on her face.

"You are really clueless, you know meitantei?" she remarked.

He saw that she was trying to get up and immediately stopped her half way.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he exclaimed, bending down on her, "You shouldn't..." He stopped speaking when her eyes met his; those light blue orbs seemed to enchant him. Her face got closer to his and his eyes widened when he felt her soft lips touch his in a light kiss. When he finally took in what had happened, they had parted and Miyano was looking at him.

"Do you understand now?" she whispered and lay back down. The last thing she did, before falling unconscious again, was smile at him.

Shinichi glanced at the sleeping figure behind the glass panel.

She liked him or maybe even more than that. That's why she did it.

'But..?' he thought, 'What about me?'

The answer to his question still didn't have a solution.

"_Excuse me?"_

Shinichi jumped and turned around to the voice. An elderly nurse was standing there, holding a clipboard with many papers.

"Y.. yes?" he asked.

"Are you a relative of Miss..." She flipped through the papers, "Miss Miyano Shiho?"

"Well, no but her.." How could he define Agase? "Her.. _guardian_ should be coming: I called him less than ten minutes ago." It was true: he had called Professor as soon as Miyano had come out of the operation theatre. The old man nearly fainted on the phone and promised to come immediately. The point was that the hospital was far from Tokyo: it was a small surgery that Jodie-sensei had found close to the Organisation's Headquarter.. well, ex-Headquarter. Add that it was raining and that the local police and FBI, who were still working, had blocked many roads. Agase would have come very late. "Why do you ask?" He questioned her as an after thought.

The nurse didn't answer and he felt a strange sense of foreboding rush through him.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm sorry but the information regarding patients are reserved to relatives." the nurse replied, not without a hint of sorry in her tone. She saw that the boy was worried.

"But..."

"I'm sorry." She turned around, ready walk away. She stole a peek to the boy and noticed his dejected face. "I presume the doctor should be in his office." she remarked airily.

Shinichi looked confused but then he understood.

"Thank you!" he said and dashed to the room at the end of the corridor. The nurse smiled.

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Dr. Hirohata wiped his glasses on his white coat and looked at the boy in front of him. There were still disbelief and shock in those dark blue eyes. He had seen that look many times in his career but he still couldn't get used to see it.

Shinichi moistened his suddenly dry lips.

"Coma?" he repeated, hoping he had misunderstood.

The man nodded.

"Miss Miyano has been seriously wounded." he said seriously, "The bullet has grazed her vital organs and has caused an inner bleeding. We treated her and have removed the bullet, despite it's difficult position but she isn't out of danger. Her vital values are highly unstable and we had to put her in pharmacological coma till they come to a safety level. But we don't when she will wake up: it could take days as much as weeks or months. We doctors can't do anything now. It's all up to her, her strength and her desire to live."

For some unknown reason, this last bit scared Shinichi more than the rest.

'Her.. desire to live?' he thought as he walked back to the girl's room. It was nearly ten at night and it was raining heavily. Nobody had still come. 'Agase must be blocked in a traffic jam. And FBI is still at work.'

The doctor's words came back to his mind.

"_It's all up to her, her strength and her desire to live."_

Hadn't Miyano voluntarily taken the APTX-4869 rather than allowing the Organisation to accomplish her death sentence? Hadn't she chosen to end her life with her own hands instead of being killed by the same people that had murdered her family? Fortunately, her creation had betrayed her, shrinking her to the size of a seven year old. Funny, isn't it? It had killed many people but not her, it's creator.

And even as Ai, hadn't she often thought that her life wasn't as worthy as the ones next to her?

Shinichi couldn't help but remember the times when Haibara had chosen to sacrifice herself for her friends safety. For his safety as well.

-

_"Okay, Kudo, listen carefully, the drug that turned us into kids, APTX 4869... It has the power to cause the victim's body to kill itself. We depend on our ability to control cell production to survive."_

_"Hey, what are you saying?" he asked in puzzlement._

_"So if we increase the speed at which cells multiply..."_

_"Huh?" His confusion was increasing. Along with his nervousness. "Don't speak anymore! If you're talking whether you can escape, no matter what you say.."_

_"Listen to me!" she ordered. "I can never..." He noticed that her tone had softened: there was a hint of sadness in her voice. "I can never speak to you face to face.."_

_"**What?**"he asked in disbelief._

_"Don't you understand? They could find and capture me even when I'm in child-form. Even if I **do **escape, they'll find me again soon. This way, you, Hakase and everyone connected to me..." Her tone softened again. "To keep their secret, they'll kill all of you.. So it doesn't matter if I am killed or escape from here. I will never see any of you again..." He clutched the earring phone tighter as he heard her say this. "So now you have to remember everything I tell you about the drug.."_

_'Ai...'_

(1)

-

'You were in danger, Ai..' he thought, touching the glass panel and looking at her. 'You. But you thought of getting all the data for the antidote.. for me. The same person who kept pestering you day and night for an antidote.'

Shinichi felt a pang of guilt when he thought of all the sleepless nights she must have spent working in Agase's lab, trying to get the antidote ready. Agase would tell him that there weren't ways to get her away from her desk, so much she was concentrated.

Shinichi looked around and when he saw that no one was around, he opened the door of her room and swiftly got in. He took a chair from a corner, placed it next to the bed and sat down.

"You will wake up, right Haibara?" he whispered. Then, realising his mistake, he corrected himself. "Sorry... Miyano." He smiled slightly, imagining her face at his error. "You have to wake up. I still have many things to tell you. Promise me that you will wake up."

A light beeping coming from the machineries was the only reply he got.

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It was nearly midnight.

Shinichi was still sitting next to Shiho, unable to fall asleep despite the long day he had gone through. Agase hadn't still showed up. For a moment, Shinichi wondered what would be the man's reaction at the sight of the young girl on the bed. A vivid image of Hakase's face with a very concerned and anxious expression crossed his mind.

He knew how much the man cared for his.. adoptive daughter. Yes, she was like a daughter for Agase and Shinichi knew that. The man had trusted the little reddish-blonde haired girl from the beginning. He had helped her when she had fainted in front of his house, he had given her a new name and had been close to her whenever she needed him.

Unlike himself.

-

_Since I have no place to go, my only hope left was you.. Shinichi Kudo.." she glanced at him, before turning back to her magazine, "Because I thought.. you could certainly understand me who was sharing the same fate with you.."_

_He had heard enough._

_"Li.. Like Hell I could!" he shouted, "How could I understand a person who created poison to kill people?"_

_Hakase stepped forward to calm him down._

_"Hey, hey.. Shinichi.." he said._

_"You don't understand, do you?" he bellowed, "Because of your damn drug, only God knows how many people were..."_

_"It can't be helped." she remarked, cutting through his sentence, "It is not like it was my intention in the first place.. to create a poison.."_

_"WHAT?" he asked, anger building again. Agase stopped him, putting his hands on his shoulders._

(2)

-

"I'm such an.. idiot." Shinichi muttered to himself.

He would never forget the hurt look on her face when she tried to explain that she had been forced to develop a poison. And also when he shouted at her. He didn't give her even a chance.

Shinichi looked at her, lying on the bed, various tubes attached to her body. She had her usual face: calm, composed and barely showing any emotion. As she always did.

"But you revealed your emotions to me that day." he said softly, "Your poker face crumpled down for a few moments at the end."

-

_"We have no choice but leave." he said, "Let's get out of here first.." He turned to the girl behind him. "Hey, you too. Hurry."_

_She didn't move for a minute. Then, suddenly, he saw a stream of tears run down her cheek._

_"Why...?" she asked with a broken voice that made him start in surprise, "Why didn't you... help my sister?"_

_"Sis.. Sister?" he stammered, wondering why she was accusing him but a odd feeling was building in his stomach._

_"You don't get it yet?" she exclaimed, tears still flowing from her eyes, "Masami Hirota is my sister's fake name taken from Professor Hirota's name!"_

_His eyes widened and the sinking feeling in his stomach doubled._

_"It... it couldn't be.." he mumbled, "Masami Hirota.. The perpetrator of one billion yen robbery?"_

_Detective Yokomizo turned around to the source of commotion and Agase looked worried._

_"H..Hey.." he said to the two 'children'._

_"If.. If you have such that good deduction skill.." she continued, "You should be able to recognize my sister's disguise easily.."_

_He was speechless. _

_"But..." he muttered, "But..."_

_She stepped forward, clinging to his shirt with her hands and she fell on her knees._

_"WHY...!" she exclaimed once again._

(3)

-

"I let you cry." he whispered, "Your heart splitting cry reminded me of that case that had signed me deeply. The woman that I couldn't.. didn't save.." He looked at her. "And her sister saved me today." A bittersweet smile crossed his face when he thought that that day she showed him her real face and it immediately vanished, a pained grimace taking its place.

"You have to wake up.. Miyano." he said, "You have to come back.. on your own. I can't help you this time... I really can't... Not like that day with Gin at the Beika Hotel..."

-

_He gasped for air. He had run up the whole flight of stairs but had nevertheless arrived in time and stunned Gin's arm. He reached for his bow-tie._

_"GO!" he yelled, using his own voice, "GO IN THE CHIMNEY!"_

_"WHO ARE YOU?" Vodka roared and started to fire at the door. He ducked and hit behind the door and the wall._

_"QUICK!" he yelled and only when he heard Vodka curse, he knew that she had escaped._

(4)

-

"Not like the day of the bus-jack..."

-

_"This girl is hurt! Take her and the rest of the group to the hospital!"_

_Detective Takagi looked baffled. Everything was happening so quickly.._

_"What?" he asked, looking down at the little boy._

_"I can go to the police myself!" he said firmly. There was also a note of urgency in his tone._

_"Ah.. Ok." the man replied. He crouched down and took the little girl in his arms delicately, noticing the blood on her knee. "Let's go."_

_Takagi had hardly straightened that a serious, calm voice reached him._

_"Don't run away, Haibara.." He looked straight at her as he said this, "Don't look away... From your fate." The girl just looked back at him. Takagi looked even more confused._

(5)

-

"I... I just can't."

The words came out as a whisper. A whisper barely audible over the low but steady beeping of the machineries. He sighed and leaned on his chair.

At least this he could do it.

Wait.

Wait with her. Wait for her.

Wait for her awakening.

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(1), (2), (3) Manga #18 The Girl from the Black Organisation

(4) Manga #24 Meeting with Black Organisation

(5) Manga #29 The Bus Jack

A.N: I made a few minor changes here and there and corrected the mistakes


	2. Acknowledging

Revealing memories

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Detective Conan. It's all Gosho Ayoama's work!

A.N: Chapter 2 Rewritten! Er-Nearly.. Hope you'll like it this time!

_REVEALING MEMORIES_

_Part 2: Acknowledging_

The rain was pounding against the window pane, the wind howling fiercely. It seemed that Nature was in a terribly bad humor. But it didn't affect the ones in the room.

"You know, I heard somewhere that people in comatose state can hear what is said around them. They say that it helps them wake up if they hear familiar voices next to them."

Shinichi spoke in a calm tone, barely audible over the continuous noise of the machineries. He had heard a clock chime for one o'clock no longer than five minutes ago and was wondering why Agase hadn't still arrived.

'He's either blocked because of the rain..' he thought, eying the window. 'Or FBI has blocked all the roads and he's blocked in the middle of a huge traffic jam. Otherwise I don't know why he isn't here by Haibara's side..' The boy's stare fell on the girl laying on the bed in front of him. She was perfectly immobile and only the slow rising and falling of her chest showed that she was asleep and not...

'Coma..'

The word sounded so.. absurd. Here was Haibara.. Miyano, the girl with whom he had talked, bickered and worked with for so long. Here was the girl with whom less than hours ago he had been talking. Here was the girl that, according to the doctors, could not wake up.

Because she had saved him.

Shinichi shook his head and swept a hand through his hair. His guilt would have to wait. He had to think of her first; since there wasn't anyone else around, he would be there for her.

"What can I tell you?" he wondered loudly, scratching the back of his head, "Honestly speaking.. I don't know.. I've never been good in talking with girls." A chuckle escaped from his lips. "The day I went to the Tropical Land with Ran, I kept talking all the time about Sherlock Holmes and Conan Doyle. It was like a sort of first date and I rambled on my favourite novelist rather than paying attention to her. Then there was a murder so I had my full attention on that and she..."

He stopped abruptly.

He was talking about Ran?

_Ran?_

Of all people, he was telling Miyano about his childhood friend? The girl he had more than once declared to like? Right to the girl that had saved his life and that, maybe.. probably.. surely, had liked him secretly?

Shinichi looked at Shiho's sleeping figure.

Was he _insane_?

"Sorry, Haibara." he said, passing a hand through his hair, "No, Miyano.. Jeez, I can't even get your name straight. You know, if you were awake, I'm sure you would smile in that peculiar way of yours and mock me." A faint smile crossed his face. "You've always been like that. From the day we first met, you had that... attitude.."

-

_"Next to me, sensei!" Genta exclaimed, pointing to the empty chair next to his, "It is..." Ai Haibara walked past him. He looked at her, astounded, finishing the sentence. "...vacant?"_

_The girl pulled a chair and sat down._ _Next to him._

_"What?" he said and just watched her in amazement and she put her bag on the desk with a soft thud and pulled out a notebook._

_"Hi." she said, not looking at him but straight in front of her._

_"Oh.. Huh... Hi." he stuttered, unsure on what to do._

_-_

"Cool and confident from the start." he said, the smile appearing again on his face, "You really made a good impression on the class. And also on me. There was something in your attitude that made me think you were.. uncommon."

-

_"Number 22, second department in Beika." she said calmly, "That's where I live now..."_

_"What?" he said, drawing the attention of the friend by his side._

_"What's the matter?" Genta asked._

_"Nothing..." he replied but kept wondering._

_'Weird.. this is near my house.' he thought, 'However, there are no apartments nearby. Nor somebody called.. Haibara...?' _

_He looked up and, as though expecting him to do so, she turned her head imperceptibly and gave him a soft smile as their eyes locked for a second. He started._

_"What?" he whispered and felt a blush creep on his face._

-

Shinichi frowned slightly.

He hadn't thought of that again. He had wondered, on the moment, why he had felt that strange feeling; some kind of jolt that made him jump slightly when their eyes met. But the turn of events, had made him forget. But now..

"Why did I blush?" he wondered loudly, "We looked at each other for the first time and I... blushed... as though..." He stopped.

It couldn't be that he..?

"No.." he said, somewhat bemused that he could even _think_ of that. He chuckled again. "I must be really tired.. My judgement is distorted." He suddenly looked up. "Judgement distorted? Hm.. Now that I think of it..."

-

_He was looking at all the TV-screens, frantically searching for a detail, a clue that could tell him where the criminal was._

_'Where?' he thought desperately, 'Where? Where?' _

_The clock was ticking fast, lowering their time. _

_'Damn it!!' he cursed mentally, 'Come on.. If only.. If only.. Time could stop!'_

_"Don't rush it.."_

_"Eh?" he said, turning to his side. She wasn't looking at him but at the screens._

_"You can't complain about time going by. " she remarked in her calm tone, never meeting his gaze, "If anyone tries to change it.. Life will punish them."_

_He looked at her with confusion._

_"Wha.. What are you saying?" he asked, "You.."_

_A sudden groan coming from his other side made him turn: the Detective Boys were complaining about something on the screens. However, before paying attention to them, he realised something. She had helped him. She had brought his mind back to the right track. He was not astray anymore._

-

"How do you do it, Haibara? You always seem to know when to say the right word at the right moment. That day you calmed down, made me turn logical and cool again. You did that from the first case we encountered together.."

-

_He was thinking intensively, putting all the clues he had together. He was slowly rebuilding the culprit's scheme but there was still something that he didn't understand. There was a piece of the puzzle that he couldn't quite identify._

_"You're wasting your time.."_

_"Huh?" He looked up, driven out from his thoughts. She was standing in front of him, hands behind her back and an unreadable expression on her face._

_"Locking the door from the outside and then sliding the key beneath the book in the locked room is scientifically impossible. Even by the mean of that answering machine." she said, looking down at him. "It's true there are many things unexplained. But if Professor Hirota was drunk at the moment, there are no other possibilities except a fatal accident as the result of falling down along the bookshelf and a hard collusion on the back of his head. It's dangerous if we stay any longer here. Besides, it's completely useless..." She bent down to pick a chess knight. "Just give up, Kudo. This case is.. " She put the knight on the answering machine, straightened herself and turned around. "Checkmate.."_

_He kept staring at her back as she walked towards Hakase. _

_There was something in her words that... He picked the white chess piece._

_'Checkmate..' he thought, staring at the knight. _

_Then, something clicked in his mind. _

_He finally got the pieces together._

-

"I don't know if you did it on purpose or what, but you gave me the hint to solve the crime. And that wasn't the first time, coming to think of it.."

-

_He was walking towards one of cinema's bathrooms, mulling over the murder case that had occurred while he and his friends were watching the movie. He had an idea of who the murderer was but there was one of the culprit's actions that didn't seem to have a reason. _

_'Why did that person come here?' he thought, getting in the bathroom. He heaved himself on the sink so he could see his reflection on the mirror. 'Why?'_

_"It's hard to believe that you're so calm."_

_"Ah?" he turned to his side in surprise. She was sitting on the edge of sink and was washing her hands. She was looking at the mirror and not at him._

_"I get cold sweats every time I see myself like this. And I will ask myself..." she stared at her reflection, a sarcastic smile playing on her lips, "Who are you.. really?"_

_"Thanks to your amazing invention!" he remarked with annoyance._

_"Really, I'm really sorry.." she replied, drying her hands with her handkerchief, "I made you hide the truth about you. And lie to others." He noticed that her face had clouded slightly but it was a flash. Her poker face reappeared immediately as she closed the water tap. "Even this loyal mirror won't reflect your true form." she stated, looking at the mirror again._

_He looked at her and then at the mirror. _

_The missing piece.._

_He smiled triumphantly. _

_'I got it..'_

_He jumped down from the sink and turned to her._

_"Thanks a lot, Haibara Ai!" he said and dashed away, after having seen her puzzled expression._

-

"It's just a word and it makes me understand everything. You always seem to know when to speak, when to give your opinion. Other times, you seem to appear at the right moment, bringing me what I forgot.."

_"Here you are."_

He had a flash of her holding his voice-changing bow-tie and a slightly amused smile on her face. A grin flickered on his face.

"You're a bit like Dr. Watson for Sherlock Holmes."

He had to bite back a laugh, thinking of her face if she had heard him. Laugh that died in his throat at the thought that she might not wake up. That she might not talk to him, not tease him... Anymore.

He looked at her again, propping his elbow on his knee and resting his chin on his palm. A small sad smile appeared on his face.

"Wake up." he said, "You can't die or sleep forever just because of me. You can't leave me with a puzzle to solve and no answer to verify if it's right." A blush crossed his face as he recalled their kiss on the ambulance. "I have to know why... Why you did it? What really are your feelings for.. me. It's the only way I have to understand what my.. feelings could be."

He gulped.

Had he just kind of admitted that he _could_ feel something towards her?

The blush on his face grew darker.

"Oh, Kami.." he muttered, straightening up, "Well, I do feel something for her. Friendship. Partnership. We've known each other for nearly.. two years. That's a long time. Enough for two people to become friends."

He looked at her. Her pale face, the peculiar reddish-blonde hair framing her delicate features, her eyes closed, hiding the light blue orbs that had enchanted him back in the ambulance.

She was so familiar and yet so foreign to him. He knew only a part of Ai Haibara while the other was a puzzle that he was far from solving.

What did he know about her?

She was brought up by a dark criminal organisation. Her parents' worked for it and after their death, she and her sister had been forced to work for it, too. She never had a family and hardly saw her sister. She never lived a joyful life, never tasted the teenagers' carefree existence..

All she did was experiments and making poisonous medicines for the Black Organization.

"But you didn't become like one of them." He said with a hint of what seemed like pride. "You're not bad as Vodka, cold as Gin or cruel as Vermouth. You didn't loose your heart... though your character _has_ been affected by them." Now there was a bit of mild annoyance in his voice.

"You never show your real feelings. You don't want anyone to know about your past; maybe, you don't want them to feel pity for you.

You're very intelligent and you know it. Definitely." He smirked as he thought of their conversations: she was the only one with whom he could discuss freely. One of the few people he knew that had a knowledge comparable to his own. Or even more.

"You're always cool with that sort of mysterious aura around you. Mitsuhiko fell for that from the start: he admitted it to me that day when we went for mushrooms." He smiled. "Poor kid.. I had to dissuade him: he had no chances with you. It was a bit like Ayumi with me. Both kids attracted by the mature ones." He shook his head in amusement.

"I wonder how they're doing.." He put himself in a more comfortable position on the chair. "The Detective Boys, I mean. We'll have to go and see them once, saying that we're.. I don't know.. Conan and Ai's cousins?"

He felt a pang in his heart as he thought again that she might not wake up. His stare fell on her calm, motionless face.

Despite her coolness, under the mask she has created to hide her feelings he knew that she cared for the people around her. She silently takes care of her friends. Helps them. Protects them.

She always looks cold and unruffled. She looks as though she's ready to go away, turn her back to everyone without minding anything else.

"But if necessary, you'd give your life for your friends, huh? Always silently and calmly. Without any regrets..."

-

_He turned around, dread filling his body. People were running away: the explosion was due in minutes, maybe seconds._

_'Is she..is she still..' he thought, looking at the vehicle, 'On the bus?'_

-

"During the bus-jack... you didn't go away from the bus because you wanted to protect everybody. You accepted dead for yourself because of your friends' lives. You didn't want them to be harmed because of you. I still can't believe how strong-willed you were. You were sitting at your seat, simply waiting for the explosion to occur. If I hadn't come to save you.. you would have died that very day."

He sighed and looked put of the window: it was still pouring. His gaze averted to her.

She was so... Unique. Yes, unique, there wasn't another way to define her. She was always full of contradictions, just when he thought he understood her and knew every facet, there always arose something new that was harder to identify.

Her character had many faces: she was tough and feeble, unruly and soft, proud but sometimes a feeling of inferiority would get her, sarcastic and understanding, cool but caring... all these things made her personality. All of this was Ai Haibara.

"But there are so many things I don't know about you." he remarked, "Your childhood, your family.." He stopped, grimacing. "Sorry. You don't much of them either, do you? Your parents died when you were small and you hardly saw your sister."

He ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach as he thought of Akemi Miyano. He could never forgive himself for what he had done. For what he _hadn't_ done. Swallowing the lump that threatened to come up his throat, Shinichi leaned on his chair, a light groan escaping his lips. He was exhausted, his body was slowly giving away though his mind wasn't: he wanted to be by her side, awake, if she needed him.

He looked at her again. She looked so peaceful. Without the inner struggles she usually hid under a cool, emotionless façade. Without the sorrows that her eyes would seldom give away.

_"**Why?!!**!" _

He sighed, recalling her soul-splitting cry of pain. The very first day they had met, she had shown him emotions that she never demonstrated afterwards while he had felt a wave of guilt that no other case had ever made him feel.

"I failed..." he whispered, "But you're the one that suffered the most. You lost everything: the only person you truly cared for. Your only family.. Because of me."

But nevertheless...

-

_"Aren't you embarrassed or anything studying with a bunch of kids?"_

_"Of course not." she replied immediately and glanced at him. A faint trace of a smile on her face. "Because you're there too."_

_-_

Nevertheless, she confided in him..

_"It's because you, the one who is in the same situation as me, is there that I stay this calm."_

"Why?" he asked, "Why do you trust me to that point? How can you trust me? After all I said.."

He had insulted her, vented his rage on her but nevertheless she put her trust on him.

-

_She grabbed his hand. _

_'Eh?' he thought, turning slightly to her. He could feel her fingers trembling. Jodie Santemillion was talking to her but she didn't seem to want to reply. He looked at her sideways._

_'Are they on the bus?' he thought. Judging by her behaviour, they were. He tightened his fist when Jodie asked her who she was._

_He knew what to do. _

-

He stared at her as past events replayed in his mind.

She wasn't the type that trusted easily.

He had seen this side of her character. Maybe.. Probably.. Surely, it was due to her living in the Organisation

Her sister was the only one that had her trust. And then.. him.

"I promise." he said after a while, "I promise that I will never betray your trust. You never in these two years: you were always by my side, helping me, spurring me to do better. I changed my opinion on you shortly after our first meeting: I was such a... idiot to vent my rage on you. You didn't deserve it. You wanted comfort and I didn't understand that.."

He looked away for a second, raking his many thoughts together, trying to put them in a neat pile in his mind. He knew that she could hear him. He _had_ to believe that she could hear him..

"You never gave me a reason to doubt your honesty and your loyalty." he remarked calmly, stare now fixed on the closed window. It was still raining. "Never. And today, you... just have me the last example of.." He stopped.

Last?

Had he just said -last example?

"No!" he said firmly, "Not last! You will be there to show me how loyal you are again...Well, in a minor way but nevertheless, you will. I'm not going to let you risk your life again. No.. you.. will.."

He realised that he was stuttering. He had to calm down. Shinichi got up and walked to the window; he would have opened it if it wasn't pouring outside. He really needed to breathe some fresh air. His head touched the window panel: he felt the cool surface on his forehead and shut his eyes.

After a few seconds, his eyes shot open.

'What am I doing?' he asked himself, 'I should be talking to her! About the good times she had in these past two years, the memories we share in common.. I should be giving her a reason to fight the coma and wake up! I must convince her!'

He walked back to bed and sat down on the chair.

"Sorry about that, Miyano." he apologised, looking at her, "You are right, you know? I am definitely too emotional at times and I also lack to find the right things to say at the right moment." He smiled. "Especially to women."

Shinichi took a deep breath and relaxed on the chair.

He scratched his head. Good times.. Happy memories.. Fun moments that they had together..

His eyelids gently closed but his mind was still alert. Images and moments flashed in his mind as though they were a movie.

All the trips and camp outs with the kids. The two of them scoffing at the thought of hunting treasures or playing some sort of game... but secretly enjoying the carefree trip.

'Whenever there wasn't a murder to dampen the spirits for a while..' he thought, eyes still shut, 'Heck.. the kids' spirits were never dampened. They actually enjoyed being on murder scenes! They thought it was yet another game or task. Find the culprit.'

He smiled recalling their trips. How many times had they gone hiking or camping. How many adventures had they lived together.

"We've been out with the kids many times, haven't we?" he said, looking at her, "We enjoyed ourselves even though a murder would spoil the short holiday for a while.."

He suddenly remembered the time that he had been shot.

She hadn't gone with him and the kids to explore the caves; she had stayed with Hakase at the camp site. He wondered if he would have risked to die if she would have been there with him that time.

'She surely would have treated the wound..' he thought, 'Or would have done something to stop the blood loss.. I'm sure of that.'

She called the police and saved him and the kids from the criminals' clutches. He vaguely remembered seeing her standing in a corner when he was taken to the operation theatre: he was sure that he had caught sight of her somewhere behind Ran and Ayumi.

'Whew.. ' he thought 'That had been a narrow escape. If it hadn't been for Ran, I'd be dead.." His eyes darted to Shiho and he recalled her night visit to him.

-

_"Huh?" he said and turned abruptly to his left when he heard a sudden and, strangely familiar, noise. He found himself facing a gun. But he blanched only when he saw who was holding it._

_His eyes widened in shock when he saw how emotionless was her stare as she held the gun against his head, eyes boring into his._

_**'A.. Ai..?'**_

_-_

"You surely know how to scare a poor guy out of his mind, don't you?" he commented airily, going on with his memory.

_-_

_A sharp click. _

_His heart stopped beating. _

_And then started again as his eyes opened wide in a bewildered expression that, he was sure, must have been amusing to see._

_**A bouquet of flowers.**_

_From the gun had come out a bouquet of flowers!_

_He looked up at her. Her eyes were hidden by her bangs but a smile was visible on her face. _

-

"And you say that my acting skills are good!" he remarked, "I swear.. I was sure you were telling the truth about the Organisation and Agase taken as an hostage. But.. I wasn't so sure you would have killed me.." He looked at her and scratched the back of his head. "I can't tell you why 'cause I don't really know but I.. I just knew that you wouldn't have killed me."

Shinichi looked down at her.

How can you know a person so much without really knowing everything at the same time?

He didn't have an answer to that question. One of the rare occasions when he couldn't give a reply to a query..

"You gave me a hell of a fright that night.." he said. No longer the words escaped his lips, he remembered something else: another memory that surfaced from the midst.

-

_He gasped for air and looked up. The train was disappearing from sight. _

_"Ha.. Haibara..."_

_He clutched his fists and clenched his teeth with frustrated anger._

_He was late. _

_Again. _

_"HAIBARA!"_

_-_

No..

She had scared him more that time. Her attitude had been so.. mysterious. He had been sure, _completely_ sure, that she had gone away. Gone away for good.

"But.." Shinichi remarked, smiling slightly, "You surprised me again.."

-

_"What's wrong? You were screaming."_

_"Huh?"_

_He turned to his side. She was standing there._

_"Did you think I ran away?" she asked airily._

_He looked at her. Straightening up and gasping for breath, he shook his head automatically._

_"Oh.. No..." he lied, smiling. The smile was sincere: he felt relief beyond belief wash through him as he saw her standing in front of him._

_She looked at him._

_"You told me.. to not run away." she said softly, "To not run away from fate." She stared at him intensively. "You're going to protect me, right?"_

-

"That was one of the few times you made a straight-forward question." he stated, "And I knew that you wanted a straight-forward answer."

He still recalled the warm feeling he had felt when he bore in those glass blue eyes that seemed to hide the truths of the universe beneath them and that, at the same time, could read his mind as though it was an open book.

"And I gave you an honest answer." Shinichi looked at her. "I said yes."

He tried but couldn't ignore the somersault his heart did when her light blue eyes bore into his; the emotion he had seen in them was so.. sincere. She really wanted to be protected, to feel safe and he had felt the duty to agree.

"No.." he whispered, "It wasn't a duty.. I really wanted.. want to protect you. I couldn't do anything for your sister... I'm not going to do the same mistake again."

He scratched the back of his head and stayed in silence for a while. He wondered, for the n-th time that night, how he could have missed that the girl with whom he had spent most of his time in the past two years had been secretly harbouring feelings towards him.

"You're either a great actress or one that can keep secrets very well.." he stated, "Or both."

All of a sudden he recalled an dialogue with his mother.

_-_

_"Shin-chan!"_

_He turned around wearily._

_"It's you?" he asked, looking at his mother. She was smiling widely._

_"You have charm for girls!" she said delightfully._

_"Ah, you mean Ayumi?" he remarked, glancing at the little girl talking with the other kids._

_"And one more.." Yukiko added with a conspirator look and slanting a glance to the Detective Boys. "Haibara." His eyes widened to the size of saucers as he turned to look at her; she was looking at something else. He heard his mother giggle._

_"Today she looked at you ten times that much!"_

_"Haha.. " he managed to retort, "She's only checking the drug she made herself and watch my growing process." His mother's hypothesis was absurd.._

_"Silly!" Yukiko remarked, "A girl only looks a boy if he has something on his face or she loves him..."_

_"That Haibara?" he asked, looking at her, "Impossible..."_

_No.. She couldn't be interested on.. him?_

_-_

"Kaa-san got it right away." he muttered incredulously, "While I just didn't believe it.."

He sighed.

He had to sort out his feelings. He owed this to her. When she would wake up, he would have to give her an answer.

How could he figure it out? It wasn't something that he could just ponder on and find a solution to. It was difficult.

"Well.." he muttered, "Let's start from the beginning. Step by step, like during a case..."

He immediately felt a bit more confident. Cases were his territory much more than feelings. Especially his own.

Did he still consider her an ex-member of the Organisation?

"No, I don't." he muttered, "You aren't a criminal. You never were: you were forced to do things that you didn't want to for your sister's sake. Not even for your own.

I should have never attacked you when you told me that you made the poison and that had worked for them. I should have never done that.. You didn't deserve it.."

Is she a friend for him?

"Of course. One of the most trusted ones I have. Maybe the most trusted one." he corrected himself, "You know nearly everything about me. I always trust your judgement and often asked your opinion in many things. From personal problems to cases we faced together." He smiled slightly, recalling her expression whenever they stumbled upon a murder. "We faced many, many cases together."

Did he care for her?

His stare fell on her again.

"Yes." He propped his elbow on the bedside and leaned his head against it. "Maybe.. even more than I ever thought of.."

The promise to protect her.

The will to keep her calm and not make her worry.

And then that feeling.. that nagging feeling..

His mind just wandered off on it's own will, making him relive briefly another memory while his eyes closed slightly as the fatigue was slowly overcoming him.

-

_"Excuse me."_

_"Eh?" Ayumi said turning around. He turned around too. _

_Her eyes, he noticed, were covered by her fringe: it was impossible to read her expression._

_"I have something to do.." she said, turning to the other side. Before leaving, she glanced at them. He was surprised to see her smile. It was a real smile: one that reached her eyes as well._

_"Goodbye." she said and turned around, running with her head bowed down._

_The kids and he didn't have the time to say anything, except Ayumi who shouted back at her, "Goodbye!! See you tomorrow!!"_

_He looked at her running away down the sidewalk._

_Something was wrong.._

_He felt it inside him. Something... he didn't know what though, but it wasn't right._

_As she ran away, he felt the distinct feeling that he was loosing something._

_That a part of him was leaving..._

_Forever._

-

"I live with the constant fear that you will decide to disappear one day." he said softly opening his eyes a bit, "Without a word. Silently as you usually do. I'm so used to your presence that the thought of loosing you is just... "

He didn't finish the sentence but he knew what he meant to say.

Did he care for her?

"Yes." he whispered, his eyes slowly closing.

Did he love her?

He didn't answer but as he fell asleep, his stare and mind were fixed on Shiho.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Here."_

_One word. That's all it took. One word from her and he stopped dead in his tracks._

_That one word surprised him so much that he almost couldn't respond. He stood, gaping at the girl, mouth open, in a daze. She arched an eyebrow with mild amusement and moved her open hand slightly in front of him. Resting on the palm was a small red and white capsule._

_"Don't you want it?" she asked. There was sarcasm in her voice. _

_He didn't reply. It was all happening so... fast._

_She had said that a definitive antidote was possible. She said that she was working on it. And now it was... ready?_

_They had just asked to help FBI. Well, **he** had asked and when they had finally accepted, he had dragged her along with him. He wanted her by his side; he needed her help._

_"Kudo, don't you want it?" _

_He detected a hint of concern in her tone this time. He looked at her and smiled. _

_"Of course." he said and took the small 'treasure' in her hand. He felt a light flutter brush his heart when he made contact with her soft skin. "Thank you, Haibara."_

_"Your welcome, Kudo." she replied. He noticed a trace of sadness in her voice now._

_"What about you?" he asked, "Are you taking it.. this time?"_

_She stared at him. Slowly, she put a hand in her jacket's pocket and withdrew a tiny box; when she opened it, he saw the twin of his own pill._

_"I made only two." she said, "And.. yes, I'm taking it. Jodie-sensei gave me a few assurances that if I turn back to myself, she'll set up a few agents to guard the area in case anyone from the Organisation could be around. I'll keep my guard high too. No one will be harmed because of me." She looked at him with a ironic smile. "And, by the way, a certain Meitantei won't leave me in peace if I don't agree and cooperate, right?"_

_He looked back at her. _

_That stare.. _

_She was sincere: she wanted to help too. He had learned to know her enough to recognise when she was lying, joking or was telling the truth._

_He grinned and nodded._

_-_

_He looked up and felt as though a lightning bolt had just struck him, rooting him to the floor and freezing his body. Any logic or rational thought deserted his mind._

_He couldn't peel his eyes off the vision in front of him._

_An angel from heaven wearing a sleeveless maroon turtleneck and a black skirt that went short down her knees along with black, short-heeled shoes._

_This simple arrangement of garments looked tremendously fitting on her; he wondered for a fleeting second how she would look if she wore something fancier._

_Maybe she noticed his shocked gaze or maybe she just saw that he was staring for more than just a minute because she glanced at him, interrupting her conversation with Hakase._

_As she turned her head to him, her reddish-blonde strands waved gently around her face, her lips curved slightly in that so familiar half smile that he knew so well and he could see amusement in her light blue eyes as she arched an eyebrow in question._

_Only a thought managed to make it's way in his suddenly empty mind as he saw Shiho Miyano for the first time._

_'God, she's beautiful..'_

_-_

_He felt a soft hand grab his own and shove him away. He saw a familiar reddish-blonde dance before his eyes and then a set of light blue orbs stare at him for a fleeting second._

_A stare that would be burnt in his mind forever._

_The next thing he saw was red. Deep red that was splattered all over her. _

_And he heard his own voice yelling her name. Desperately._

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinichi Kudo got up with a start... and nearly fell off the chair he was sleeping on. Despite the sleepiness, his reflexes were alert and he managed to stay on the chair rather than fall embarrassingly on the floor with a loud and painful thud.

He had dozed off for a couple of hours. It was still dark but it had stopped raining. A few moon rays made their way in the room through the window pane, illuminating the sleeping figure on the bed.

His gaze absently followed the dusty light lines and then fell on her.

The dream came back to his mind at full force: the flashes of his last memories with her replayed at light speed in his head.

All the moments spent with her, all his concerns and actions to help her. Protect her. His eyes widened as he finally understood what he hadn't realised till that moment.

At the beginning, he had been alone.

No one to talk sincerely or to whom share his inner thoughts. Yes, there was Hakase but.. he was older. A great and old friend but far from his age and his teenage mental struggles. Yes, there was Hattori but he was physically far since he was in Osaka.

But then she had come.

Ai Haibara. Shiho Miyano.

It had been hard to build but they shared a bond. A bond of trust, understanding and friendship that they had forged in the past years after many cases solved together, fights, witty remarks and new discoveries. Everything together.

She was his peer and friend, his equally brilliant partner and mind-challenging cooperator. She was his confidant: she knew things about him that no one, not even his childhood friend Ran knew.

He knew things about her as well and just when he thought that he knew her, she surprised him.

Again.

She loved him and he had been so blind not to notice it. Or maybe..

It just took him time to figure out the truth...

He looked at her: she was in the position she had been before, sleeping motionlessly. He straightened on his chair and smiled slightly.

"Wake up." he said, "As usual, you have given me the final hint but.. I think that the truth has been finally revealed. I know it and I just want you to wake up and tell it to you." He moved closer to her and brushed a strand of hair out of her pale face.

"Wake up. You have to know.. my answer."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was nearly six in the morning.

Hiroshi Agase scurried along the hospital corridors, searching desperately for the room where his.. daughter was. The old man was concerned, very concerned and had left his house with the car the second after Shinichi's call. But the terrible weather and the sudden road blocks had made it impossible to reach the hospital until now.

He turned when he read the number of the room and stopped abruptly when he looked through the glass panel.

Ai.. Shiho was sleeping on the bed, motionless and attached to several machines: she looked very pale. Next to her, half sprawled on a chair and half on the edge of the bed was Shinichi, fast asleep. The man felt a sudden warm and tender feeling when he noticed.

Shinichi was holding Shiho's hand, fingers entwined in a firm grip.

_We know the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart.  
- Blaise Pascale_

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I updated though I didn't keep my word. I just couldn't manage to finish Chapter 3!

I hope that you will like this second version of chapter two.

REVIEW!!

Bye!


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